100 Things: Entry 16 – All the Little Lies

Too loud, too big, too stubborn, too direct, too many emotions, too opinionated, too many health issues, too many allergies, too many strange interests, too much like one of the guys, too brash, too plain, too much of a screw-up. Too much Not soft enough, not motherly enough, not feminine, not enough makeup or dresses,...

100 Things: In Dependence

I am a decently independent human. I have been single for all but three months of my life and still am. I started making my own meager income through babysitting and part-time jobs when I was a high schooler and then spent a year before college living in a remote town and working full-time. In...

100 Things: Entry Fourteen

When I was in middle school, I had a close female friend who was on the wrestling team. So one day, I thought, "Hey, if she likes it so much, maybe I would too." Spoiler alert: wrestling was not for me. My youth wrestling career barely lasted a semester, but the older I grow, the...

100 Things: Entry Thirteen

The last few months have been particularly rough. I've felt a clear calling in my heart from the Lord to trust him with fully open hands, ready to receive or let go of whatever He says. Every step has been scary, and so far, it's led to much more sorrow, heartache, and brokenness than joy....

100 Things: Entry Twelve

I was feeling a bit gloomy and downhearted late this afternoon. Not even dinner at my favorite local haunt with my best friends could cure the slight aching in my heart. God and I have been going back and forth a lot lately on matters of trust and faith. Today I wanted to regret the...

100 Things: Entry Eleven

I am sometimes a “play this one song on repeat endlessly”girl. Currently my repeat of choice is “Notion” by The Rare Occasions. There’s a yearning in it; an inexplicable beckoning. The guitar and bass lines are easily stuck in my head and the lyric melody begs for harmonies from the listener. The thing I feel...

100 Things: Entry 10

One of my all-time favorite shows is the original 1980s MacGyver series. The currently running remake is also nice — a bit dark and dramatic for my taste — but the old one contains much more lightheartedness, comedy, and generally lighter color palettes (but the unrelentingly eerie dark color palettes of today's visual media are...

100 Things: Entry Nine

There's a moment in the movie Inside Out when Joy (Amy Poehler's character) finds a memory that starts with sadness and ends in joy. It's a powerful scene that sets up the ending where the emotions (Joy, Anger, Sadness, Fear, Disgust) realize they can create multifaceted memories based on multiple feelings. This enriches the main character's experiences...

100 Things: Entry Eight

Gnashing teeth, scrunched shoulders, a panicked aura. I spent my weekend like Gollum, desperately grasping for something out of my control. Obscured in the darkest, farthest crevices of my mind, a battle raged. My obsession with independence and power was trying to strangle my soul's cries for a community to help bear the weight of...

100 Things: Entry Seven

The moon was full and bright, illuminating the waters of the Intracoastal Waterway. It brushed softly against the sides, providing one of the only sounds in the moonlight in addition to the whispers of passing cars or shutting doors. I was practicing sitting in silence for a school assignment, listening to nothing but the sounds...