Never Grow Up

My commitment to you is that I’ll never grow up.

As I’ve spent time enjoying the cliche movies, corny music, and cheerful moments of the holiday season I’ve only resolved to become more of a romantic than I have already become over the last few years.

Although it doesn’t snow in the Bay Area, or pretty much anywhere in California except the mountains, I hope to always see the world as if there were fresh snowflakes getting caught on my eyelashes. As if my chilled fingers were always getting warmed by a homemade cup of hot chocolate stuffed with melting, gooey mini marshmallows. As if my heart was always being filled by the gathering together of friends and family to celebrate something bigger than ourselves.

I think the old me would’ve thought that embracing the idealized mindset of a stereotypical romantic would classify as childish or unrealistic. The current me is beginning to understand that, while it’s healthy to have a hold on the brokenness of the world, the everyday miracles will pass right under our noses if we’re not paying attention.

I am well aware that I probably sound more sentimental than a hallmark movie currently but I’m tired of letting the idea of growing up equate to becoming blind to the fantastical wonder the world has and always will have, to offer. I hope there will always be a mischevious smirk to my smile and a whimsical glimmer in my eyes. The moment I begin to lose that spark I give anyone full permission to sit me down amidst my pile of picture books until the grey haze has passed from my vision and the color returns.

We would see that the grass right under our feet is green if only we’d look down at it for a minute. If we’d pause and breathe in the crispness of reality we’d smell its sweetness.

That’s not to say I will go without sorrow, in fact, I only think this will make the pain all the more real. I am not a romantic to simply have a happy idealized view of life I am a romantic to ensure that I will never stop feeling every part of life deeply and truly. I think that is the unappreciated power of romantics and I joyously embrace the knowledge that this depth can look like a chaotic rollercoaster to others.

Life is full of mountain highs and valley lows, the good news is that the sun shines on each one as well as every other pathway in between. I hope that I’ll always hold on to that hope, even when the clouds obscure its warmth or the trees are too thick to let its light in.

My commitment to you is that I’ll never grow up.


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