A couple weeks ago I was deleting some old melodramatic Facebook posts from my high school years when Facebook was still pretty new and therefore I felt like I had the entire world at my finger tips. I posted a lot in those days and let me tell you, rarely a day goes by where I don’t think to myself “what on earth was I doing?” That night however I came across a post I wrote that shocked me. It said:
“Why don’t I just go jump into a ditch and not come out for a very long time, life must be better there than here right now”
A post to which a friend replied
“Megan are you doing ok? You seem so unhappy?”
For about 10 of the last 11 years of my life I fought against deep unhappiness and loneliness. I saw the world as a barren monochromatic landscape. My happy moments flew away from me as quickly as the came and time spent without another presence nearby felt like an eternal, starless night.
In the last seven months however, I have been given a fresh vision of our world and I have fallen head over heels in love with it. I have come to know a joy more full than I have ever experienced. Each morning I wake up with a hope for the world that is more resilient than the last. And each day I become more convinced of the limitless beauty that exists within this place we call home.
I have never more fiercely and passionately believed in the redemption of Christ, not only in my own life, but of everything on this earth. Every thought I have is overwhelmed by knowledge that Christ has already redeemed the situations I used to only see hopelessness in. Most days, tears well up in my eyes on my drive to work or church because I become so awestruck by the endless glory surrounding me, evident in every direction I look.
From suffocating in deep unhappiness to overflowing with the most uncontainable joy I have ever known, today and every day I get to be showered by reminders of Christ’s goodness. Being alive humbles me. The willingness of those I’ve met to love me, share in my journey, and partner with me as I attempt to follow God’s calling in my life drenches me again and again with reminders of Christ’s redemption in my life. Every day spent in this love pushes me closer to God and I am so much better for it.